Pop-Pop passed away on July 9, 2009. I know that he is dancing and singing with Jesus in heaven now but I have been on a whirlwind of emotions since he went to the hospital on Father’s Day. Pop-Pop is no longer in pain and hurting from his rare lung cancer but I cannot help but think that something could have been done differently. I know that God has a plan for everyone and that His plan will be carried out, but some days I just feel like more could have been done for Pop-Pop. I do not know any more than the doctors on the subject of rare cancers but I do not like to think that he may have had more time or suffered less. I often find myself remembering the last few conversations I had with him in the hospital. He always wanted to know what I had been up to that day, because whatever I might say had to be more interesting than bad hospital food and more tests and x-rays. I always told him about summer school or funny events at Target, but nothing seemed to really make him smile other than the simple fact that I cared enough to come see him, even if it was only for a short ten or fifteen minutes. Father’s Day I took him a card, got a good grin and chuckle even though he was feeling terrible that day. It is amazing what one smile can do. Fourth of July I went to visit briefly before going to a friends for dinner and then to a party and all he wanted to hear about was something I had done that day. He wanted to hear one of my ‘stories’. I know that was not exciting but it made him happy and that was all I wanted. I was the only of the six grandkids that was here to see him in the hospital and I thought that was both helpful and much harder for various reasons. It was terrible to see him looking so weak and in the pain he was but at the same time I was glad to be so close, to have those last few moments and telling him about the silly things of my day. I did not always know what to say but he was always sure to ask about something if he wanted to hear a story or two. The last three or four days he could barely talk and I just felt like I needed to be there even though I couldn’t say anything or even really look at him, because I wanted to remember him being strong and able to walk the six miles a day. I talked with Amy some but it was not the same and I for the second time this year was really wishing she were still in Albuquerque. It’s amazing what a tragedy does within a family. I know for certain that Pop-Pop would want us to move on with our lives and remember the best of days and memories with him but sometimes it’s just really hard to think past the last month. July had tip toed by and the days are forever long but yet I find myself just wandering on the inside. I don’t know how to think or feel. One thing said by mom or dad or even occasionally grandma will just set me off wanting to leave for a while. I think of this a very different way than they do and feel so alone because of it. I like to think that Pop-Pop is watching me and praying that I continue to find success in school and later in a job, where it does not just pay bills but bring joy to my heart and those around me. I like to think that he will always be there to shove me a little closer to my goals and will always be a part of who I am. I may not be a basketball player but my height definitely came from him. I may not be a great mathematician but he was so helpful to me when I needed his math knowledge or wood working skills. My last project with his help was my pan flutes for musical acoustics; a project I thought was great but was not so successful with my professor. He was always encouraging to me when it came to school or music. He wanted me to do the things that made me happy and meant something to me.
I remember most the many things he did for others. He was always inviting people into his home, for swimming, looking at his trains, just to have dinner or to watch the super bowl, even though he was not the biggest football fan. He always let kids of all ages call him Pop-Pop because he was a grandfather to many and those who called him Mr. Bob will always be touched by his love and encouragement as well. His hands were that of a skilled craftsman, working on wooden toys, teaching children to swim, running trains or the more difficult complex things of the nuclear engineering world. His hands were always there to help with a project or to give an encouraging pat on the back. He gave some of the greatest hugs, especially for a job well done. Pop-Pop was a man of great talents and skills and always sought to share them with others.
To me, Pop-Pop was and always will be one of the most influential men of God. He was a member of the church choir, served at the church and coached basketball for the Upward basketball league. He was never afraid to share a comforting word from the Bible or make sure people knew he trusted in the will of God for his life. He did not fear death but welcomed going home to be with Jesus and his Heavenly Father. The afternoon before he made his journey to heaven, he said very clearly, “Let me out of hear. I want to go home.” That was when I knew for sure that he was ready to be rid of his pain and the suffering of three weeks in the hospital and be free of the pains of this world. I know that he will not be forgotten and the memories I have will always be near and dear to my heart. Pop-Pop was and always will be my grandpa and friend. I know he will be proud of me for continuing with the many things I do and for starting my children’s choir come fall, along with the education program at UNM and continuing to spread the love of Christ with those I encounter.
See you when I get to Heaven Pop-Pop, whenever that may be.
Romans 12: 11
“Never be lacking in zeal but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.”
